At what age can a child decide not to see a parent?

There is no fixed age in England and Wales. The court considers a child's wishes and feelings in light of their age and understanding. Older teenagers' views carry considerable weight in practice, but no age gives a child the final say.

Can I be in contempt of court if my child refuses to go?

A resident parent is expected to positively encourage contact, not merely permit it. If the court finds you have not made real efforts, enforcement action is possible. Genuine, documented efforts with an older child are viewed very differently from passive acceptance.

What is parental alienation?

It describes a child rejecting a parent because of the influence of the other, rather than for reasons of their own. Courts are cautious with the term and now focus on the specific behaviours and the reasons for the child's resistance, including whether the rejected parent's own conduct explains it.

My child doesn't want to see their other parent

8 min read · Last reviewed 1 August 2026

This is one of the hardest situations in family proceedings, partly because both parents usually believe something entirely different is going on. One sees a child being turned against them. The other sees a child being forced. The court's job is to work out which, and the honest answer is often neither, or both.

Start with why

Children refuse contact for many reasons and they rarely explain the real one. Common reasons include:

Something specific and fixable: a new partner, a sibling, a bedroom, boredom, a missed football match
Loyalty. They can feel one parent's distress and are protecting them by staying
Age. A fourteen year old wanting to be with friends at weekends is developmentally normal, not rejection
Something that genuinely happened, which they have not yet been able to say
Being exposed to adult conflict and choosing the path with least conflict

Working out which one you are dealing with is more useful than deciding in advance that it is alienation or that it is the child's free choice.

If your child lives with you

The expectation is active encouragement, not neutrality. "I told him he had to go and he wouldn't" is not usually accepted, particularly with a young child. What helps:

Be positive about the contact happening, in front of the child, even when you do not feel it
Do not give the child the deciding vote on the day. Younger children need the decision made for them
Never let the child hear the adult dispute, or read the messages
Record what you did, each time, briefly and factually. Not as ammunition, but because you will be asked
Propose alternatives rather than cancelling: a shorter visit, a phone call, a public place

If you are the parent being refused

Do not push harder

The instinct is to demand enforcement immediately. Sometimes that is right. Very often it confirms to the child exactly what they fear. The parents who rebuild these relationships usually do it slowly: short, low-pressure contact, in a setting the child chooses, with no conversation about court, the other parent, or why they stopped coming.

Look honestly at your part

This is uncomfortable and it is the single most useful thing you can do. Cafcass will ask about it. A parent who says "I think I was too heavy-handed after the separation and I have changed how I speak to him" is far more credible than one who says nothing went wrong.

Write a short letter to your child that you do not send. It lets you say the thing you need to say without putting it on a nine year old. Keep it. Some parents give them over years later, and it means a great deal.

What the court can do

Options include a section 7 report from Cafcass or the local authority, an order for the child's wishes to be explored properly, referral to a Separated Parents Information Programme, therapeutic or supported contact, and in serious cases enforcement or a change of living arrangements. Courts are slow to force an older child, and slower still to punish a parent who has genuinely tried.

If a child is refusing because of something they have disclosed about harm, that comes first. Do not press the child for detail or record them. Report it appropriately and let it be assessed by people trained to do it.

Common questions

At what age can a child decide not to see a parent?: There is no fixed age in England and Wales. The court considers a child's wishes and feelings in light of their age and understanding. Older teenagers' views carry considerable weight in practice, but no age gives a child the final say.
Can I be in contempt of court if my child refuses to go?: A resident parent is expected to positively encourage contact, not merely permit it. If the court finds you have not made real efforts, enforcement action is possible. Genuine, documented efforts with an older child are viewed very differently from passive acceptance.
What is parental alienation?: It describes a child rejecting a parent because of the influence of the other, rather than for reasons of their own. Courts are cautious with the term and now focus on the specific behaviours and the reasons for the child's resistance, including whether the rejected parent's own conduct explains it.